Readings: Sir 3:2-6, 12-14; Col 3:12-21; Lk 2:41-52
As we celebrate the Feast of the Holy Family today, we are reminded of the central and absolute importance of the family. Because the family is foundational to every person, it is often something we take for granted and forget the priority it has in God’s plan. More than this, we live in a society that has denigrated the family and has even passed laws that support the breakdown of the family by encouraging single parenthood, the destruction of babies through abortion, cohabitation, same sex unions, contraception, divorce and remarriage, and any number of laws that undermine marriage and family and, thereby, undermine the stability and security of children, of the society, and of the Church.
There have been many people with “progressive” ideas right along, but beginning in the 1960s, sociologists started pushing the young people to live together before getting married so they could find out whether or not they are compatible. Every study that has been done since then has shown that this has been a disaster, but it has not stopped many people from parroting the same lies they were told and accepted.
While it should come as no surprise to anyone, the push for cohabitation before getting married has now resulted in cohabitation that never leads to marriage. Many reasons are proffered for why this is happening, but it all comes back to one thing: selfishness. This is at the root of every sin we commit and every imperfection in us. It is also the very thing that, in God’s providence, marriage is designed to counter. On the day of their marriage, every couple promises to love one another for the rest of their lives. Love is the opposite of selfishness, so if a couple takes these words seriously, they will grow in love for one another, and for God, and they will chip away at the selfishness within themselves.
As the selfishness diminishes and the charity grows, the couple will become more and more the persons God created them to be. At the same time, they will be living out their vocation more perfectly and they will be being molded into the Saints God is calling them to be. This also means they will find the fulfillment every person desires in the depth of their being.
This sounds wonderful, but how is it accomplished? The second reading describes beautifully how this can be achieved in a marriage and in a family. It begins by striving for virtue in one’s self: compassion, humility, gentleness, patience, etc. Above all these, St. Paul says, put on love which is the bond of perfection. St. Paul goes on to say we need to be grateful and we need the peace of Christ controlling our hearts. The only way this can happen is if we are praying regularly and seeking union with our Lord.
There is also the necessity of having our relationships ordered correctly. St. Paul speaks of the relationship between husbands and wives while in the first reading, Sirach speaks about the proper respect and charity grown children need to have toward their parents. All of this is countercultural which can make it more difficult to practice. However, God promised to write His law in our hearts and in our minds, so contrary to our culture, our human nature—made in God’s image and likeness, directs us toward what is true, good, and beautiful.
In other words, what is natural to us is the opposite of selfishness. However, our weak and fallen nature is very attracted to what is selfish. So, there is a tug-of-war going on inside us. Our minds and wills must take precedence over our feelings and emotions. What this means is that married couples must resist the temptations toward selfishness and act upon the promise they made on the day of their marriage, a promise that should be renewed regularly. This will not only promote the growth of love within the marital relationship, but it will also serve as a great example to the children who will model their behaviors after the behaviors they see in their parents.
The Church holds up the Holy Family as the model for us. Some will say it is an unfair comparison since there is a saintly father, a perfect mother, and a Child Who is God. No one is attempting to compare Jesus, Mary, and Joseph to anyone else; rather, the Church is holding up the respect and the charity among the members of the Holy Family as a model for all marriages and families. Certainly, no one will every have the capacity to love as much as our Lord and our Lady, but every one of us can love like them. Choose to be countercultural; choose to love like Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!
Fr. Altier’s column appears regularly in The Wanderer, a national Catholic weekly published in St. Paul, Minn. For information about subscribing to The Wanderer, please visit www.thewandererpress.com.
